April 17, 2007

• Ephrata

  My hometown – pronounced ‘Fruata’

  Whether you care to admit it or not, Ephrata has a lot of quarks. There
  are just somethings about Ephrata that no other town has…which makes
  Ephrata so UNIQUE!

  YOU KNOW YOU’RE FROM EPHRATA WHEN….

  - It’s going to be a good week when the fields only smell like crap 3 out of 7 days of the week.

  - You know you can find anything at the Lincoln Garden’s yard sale.

  - When Reggie Ray (the homeless guy) has ever yelled at you while you’re in a car.

  - You consider a winning season in football 5-7.

  - You’ve run to lunch because it was Pasta bar.

  - If you’ve ever said the phrase, “Everyone and their mom works at the car wash.” – Because it’s true.

  - It’s no shock to you that there are actually amish people who deal drugs.

  - You’ve gone to McDonalds after 10PM for a McFlurry.

  - You don’t bother denting cans for a discount, because $Harp $hopper does it for you.

  - It seems like the cool place to hang out is the Cloister Shopping Center

  - You know what “PKF” stands for.

  - When the majority of the cars at Bob’s American are older than you.

  - You see tractor races when looking out your window and no one takes a second glance…

  - The thrill of kiddy day at the Ephrata fair still excites you.

  - You have nick names for the waitresses at the pancake farm…there’s
  coffEE lady, “Sure, Sure” lady…and of course kathy pletz… – Shane
  Hyman

  - You know that if Green Dragon doesn’t have it, no one does.

  - you’ve seen a drunk driver…in a buggy.

  - You see Preston Witchcraft running around the memorial field

  - Park City is a mall, not a city in Utah.

  - The Pancake Farm has the best breakfast in town.

  - Family Time/Countryside/etc. changes it’s name and closes every six months.

  - When shopping for your first car, you went to at least ten different car dealerships…in town.

  - Ralph the security guard knows your whole family.

  - DJ Mixed Impressions should be related to you because he’s seen you dance every dance since 6th grade.

  - Your parents have gotten so frustrated with you that you’ve ‘gone to the rec’ for long periods of time.

  - You still believe that peeing in the Ephrata Pool is acceptable, because ducks live in it during the offseason.

  - You love the Philadelphia Eagles, but hate the Cocalico Eagles.

  - You’ve fallen asleep looking through the Martin’s in the phonebook.

  - You know what someone means when they mention the spooks

  - You know that a prime spot for sledding is the Akron Hill.

  - When your relatives come to town, you’ve opted to have them stay at your home for fear of the Ephrata Motel.

  - You know what a “wintry mix” consists of…

  - When someone wants to order a pizza, it turns into an hour long arguement since there is too many options.

  - The Ephrata Movie Theater is the last resort for a movie.

  - You roll up your windows and speed past Rita’s and Wawa until you reach K-Mart because of the poop plant.

  - You remember when the Ephrata Police handed out baseball cards.

  - TV isn’t TV unless you have Blue Ridge Cable.

  - When a tourist mention’s the Cloister you immediatly think of standing in a parking lot.

  -When the Ephrata Fair comes you can’t leave without getting a toasted cheeseburger first!!!

  - It takes thirty minutes to make it up main street since none of the traffic lights are syncronized.

  - You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word, “snow.”

  - You’ve considered going to High school naked to beat the hot classrooms.

  -Slippy is a good word to describe icy roads to you

  -Ephrata is the only town in the tri-state area that is primitive
  enough to still chase pigs for entertainment…and we’ve all went to
  watch

  -The best way to make some easy money is to bet on someone with the last name Burkholder or Martin to win the pig chase

  -When your high school doesn’t have a ceiling and you often wonder how the fans don’t fall.

  - People think you are speaking a different language when you say “The milk is all,” or “I’m soon ready.”

  - If you’re away from Ephrata for any extended period of time, you miss
  Shoe-fly Pie, Yum-Yum Pudding, Waffles & Ice Cream from the fair,
  and, of course, Roma Pizza.

  - You’re idea of a sweet vacation is Camp Swatara or HersheyPark

  - You get excited for Christmas in hopes that there will be another “Santa’s Workshop”

  -You know you’re from ephrata when you see people hangin out at the cloister shopping center on friday nights with their trucks

  - You wish Homer Shorts was you grandpa because he single-handedly taught you how to drive

  - Going to Wal-Mart at 11 PM on a Friday because it’s the only thing to do

  -You know you are from ephrata when WGAL is the source of all local
  celebrities and they create quite a stir when they shop at local
  supermarkets

  - You can get a switchblade, a whoopie pie, and a goat all within five minutes at the Green Dragon.

  - In elementary school you were taught to racially stereotype. Anyone
  who wasn’t born in Ephrata was shunned outside to a rusty trailer
  deemed “ESL.”

  - The best thing to happen in the last five years was when the Girls Gone Wild Bus broke down at the Hilltop.

  - Foods like whoopie pies, hamballs, and shoofly pie aren’t exotic foods by your standards.

  - After reading this you’ve felt homesick.

  • 11:19 am
  • 5 Comments