Didyou know that the average duration of a marriage these days is 2years?
OnJuly 11, in just a few days, Barry and I will have been married 7years. I am trying to think back 5 years and think where we were whenwe were married only 2 years. Thinking of all the blessings that wewould have missed if thats all ours would have lasted.
5years ago Summer was just a little toddler and I was having prematurelabor issues with Wayne. Christian wasn't even a thought yet. All thegood things that have happened these past 7 years that we have beenmarried.
Itmakes me so sad how little meaning marriage has to people now days.When Barry and I said until death do us part, we meant it.
Iam so against divorce. some of it maybe because of having been raisedby my grandparents as both of my parents went and did there thingafter getting divorced with no thought to how it affected me. I wasn't even two yet when my parents separated. My mother went and did her thing, getting married and divorced again and is at this point living with a man (She calls her "friend" but they sleep in the same bed) that she inst married to. Staying out of my life until I turned 18. At that point coming back into my life but always staying distant. My father going out when I was 4 and marrying another woman, whom he is still married to and basically choosing her over a meaningful relationship with his only child (if you don't count that woman's child who he adopted). A man who to this day doesn't know his own child or grandchildren. Maybe a call 2 or three times a year and a promise of a want to get to know us, never fulfilled.
Divorce hurts. Divorce is a horrible horrible thing. A thing that NO CHILD should EVER be subjected to. I know that whenever I mention this subject that there will be some making excuses for divorce, there always are. GOD HATES DIVORCE. He never wanted it to happen. He is very clear on that.
Someof my hatred of divorce also comes from that I have read what God thinks of Divorce. It is sosad all the excuses that people come up with to justify gettingdivorced.
Matthew 19:1-9
(1) And it came topass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed fromGalilee, and came into the coasts of Judea beyond Jordan;
(2) And greatmultitudes followed him; and he healed them there.
(3) The Pharisees alsocame unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for aman to put away his wife for every cause?
(4) And he answeredand said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at thebeginning made them male and female,
(5) And said, For thiscause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to hiswife: and they twain shall be one flesh
(6) Wherefore they areno more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joinedtogether, let not man put asunder.
(7) They say unto him,Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and toput her away
(8) He saith untothem, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you toput away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
(9) And I say untoyou, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication,and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth herwhich is put away doth commit adultery.
Malachi 2:13-16
(13) And what else areyou doing? You cry noisily and flood the LORD's altar with yourtears, because he isn't pleased with your offerings and refuses toaccept them.
(14) And why isn't Godpleased? It's because he knows that each of you men has beenunfaithful to the wife you married when you were young. You promisedthat she would be your partner, but now you have broken that promise.
(15) Didn't God createyou to become like one person with your wife? And why did he do this?It was so you would have children, and then lead them to become God'speople. Don't ever be unfaithful to your wife.
(16) The LORD GodAll-Powerful of Israel hates anyone who is cruel enough to divorcehis wife. So take care never to be unfaithful!
Marriage as institutedby God is a life long commitment. If you are not ready to make thattype of commitment you are not ready for marriage. Marriage asdefined by God is for keep, until death do you part.
Marriage commitmentis both to God and our spouse
God is the one whojoins couples in marriage, not simply the words of a pastor orjustice of the peace.
Matt 19:6 Whereforethey are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joinedtogether, let not man put asunder.
In marriage you aremaking a two fold covenant. A covenant with God where you promise Himthat you will love, honor, and cherish your spouse until death do youpart. God enters into this marriage covenant with the two of you andpromises to give you his strength and blessing to keep this covenant.You also make a covenant with your spouse. That you will love, honorand cherish him or her until one of you dies and goes to be with theLord.
Loveis a choice, not a feeling.
Loving feelings areimportant, wonderful, and make life and marriage fun. But they arethe icing oflove and not the cakeof love.
Loving feelings inmarriage go through many stages and have many ups and downs. Emotionsare affected by so many different things from hormones to happeningsaround us.
When couples say theywant to get a divorce because they no longer love each other, theyreally don’t understand love. They have a feel good Hollywood ideaof love which is impossible to live up to. It’s not real love.
The commitment youmake in marriage to love each other is not a commitment of feelingsbut of doingthe loving things.
So even if I don’tfeel real loving toward my husband today I still can do and respondin ways that are loving and kind. Love is a choice! Commitment is achoice!
The core of Love isgiving,not getting.For God so loved the world that he GAVEhisone and only son. He committed himself to love us even when we areundeserving!
The way to restoreloving feelings to your marriage is by continuing to give and do theloving things for your spouse.
Feelings are a resultofloving actions. If you do the right thing your feelings will berenewed toward your spouse. Loving actions will eventually produceloving feelings!
Don’t give up onyour marriage! Stay committed! Don’t settle for the status quoeither. You can have a great marriage! Do the work necessary to growyour marriage.
Hereare two reasons why God hates Divorce
Becauseof the destruction it brings to peoples lives. Divorce always leavesscars and erodes the fabric of the family, church and society.Studies also show the long-term effects on children who often sufferthe most. Divorce harms all involved.
Becauseit is a breaking of a covenant, meant for a lifetime, that Godinstituted between a man and a women. God takes the breaking of themarriage covenant very seriously. When you got married you enteredinto a covenant. You said for better or worse, richer or poorer,Until Death do us part. That was a covenant that you and your spousemade with God. You made a covenant that the two of you would betogether as one until one of you died. God joined the two of you asone.
Marriageis a covenant.
Todaycovenants are broken very easily but that should not be the caseamong God’s people. If we love God we keep his commandments.Divorce rates for Christians and nonchristians are about the same. Itshouldn't be that way.
Incompatibility,no longer having feelings for the other, or not getting along are notBiblical reasons for divorce. They are reasons to get help and workon your marriage. Divorce in these situations is a violation ofcovenant and a sin before God.
Whatif you have violated covenant, divorced with no biblicaljustification and God is standing as a witness against you? What doyou do? ….YOU REPENT!!!
Ifthere is genuine repentance God will forgive you. Genuine repentancemeans you stop blaming others and take personal responsibility foryour part in the divorce. You ask God to forgive you. If possible youwork on reconciliation with your spouse that you divorced.
Inmarriage the Bridetakes the grooms last name.Why is it that now days women don't want to take the husbands lastname? In many cases that fact alone spells trouble. When you getmarried you become one. To many people are entering marriage rightnow not wanting to become one. They want to stay their own person.This spells trouble to a marriage. When you are married you are nottwo people you are one, joined together by God.
Ipray a blessing of freshness into your marriage…..
Where there isdryness, may new pools of fresh water spring forth.
Where there isdiscouragement, may new hope renew your hearts toward each other.
Where there is pain,may there flow healing oil from God’s throne into your wounds.
Where there have beengrudges and unforgiveness, may God give you grace to forgive fromyour heart.
Where commitment hasfaltered may there be new determination.
Where the feelingshave faded, may fresh wind blow as you choose to still love.
Where the spark ofpassion has grown dim, may the fire of intimacy burn once again.
Where communication ishard, may you grow to understand and share in new ways.
Where finances haveburdened you, may wisdom and harmony lead you to freedom.
Where tension hasfilled your home, may laughter drive it out and joy and peace resideagain.
Where the past stillcondemns, may you know deep forgiveness and see the wonderful destinythat still lies before you.
May you increasinglybecome and stay best friends.
May your marriage beblessed and be a blessing!
Oh and a side note Ifeel that addressing marriage I should also address remarrriage...
Ifyou are remarried (divorced and your first spouse is still alive)then you are living in sin. God is very clear on that. You want to beforgiven? Then ask God to forgive you and STOP LIVING IN SIN.
Somepeople say that it is ok for them to be remarried because they askedGod to forgiven them. It is not ok. Remarried you are still living insin.
Adulteryis a continuous state of sin until the present partner is put away,complete repentance and full assurance of God's forgiveness do notexist until the adulterous union is discontinued.
Genesis 20. . . Aslong as Abimelech had another man's wife under his roof, he was a“dead man” until he released her to go back to her rightfulhusband, even though he had not yet touched her. This was true foreven a pagan king.
Ezra 9&10. . .Though a somewhat different situation, ie marrying foreign women,their unions were illcit and their sin was considered to be removedonly when they separated themselves from their wives. (10:2-4, 10,11)
Jer. 7:8-11. . . (notepreceding context) The Israelites were committing adultery and thengoing to the Temple saying “we are safe - - safe to do all thesedetestable things...” God said they were trusting in deceptive,worthless words.
Mal. 2:13-17 . . . Godhates divorce, the breaking faith with the wife of one's youth. CanHe accept in our time that which He once hated? Is it only the act ofbreaking faith that He hates, or does He hate both the act and theongoing state of breaking faith?
Mt. 14:3,4 John theBaptist rebuked Herod for taking his brother Philip's wife. He didnot say: “It is not lawful for you to have taken her” but rather“It is not lawful for you to have her”. If adultery were merelyan act, John died in vain. He should have been more discreet andsensitive, calling only for Herod to say he was sorry and givingpermission to continue on with Herodias. Instead, Jesus commendedJohn. Note also in Mk 6:18 John's warning to Herod was repeated.
Lk 16:18
Mk 10:10-12. . . Jesusclearly states the remarriage after being divorced is adultery.
Rom. 7:2,3 . . . Onlydeath breaks the marriage bond. If the woman marries another man“while her husband is alive, she is an adulteress. It does not sayshe commits and act of adultery but rather she shall be called anadulteress. It is hard to think of how one could improve on thispassage in terms of its simplicity, clarity, and conciseness.
1 Cor. 7:10, 11 . . .The Lord's command through Paul: no divorce, no separation. But ifseparation does occur, then no remarriage. Either the individualsmust remain unmarried or else be reconciled.
1 Cor 7:39 Marriage isfor life, not until divorce separates.
The marriage vowstates “till death do us part”, not “till divorce do us part”.God takes vows very seriously as seen in Eccl 5:4-6. God honors thefirst vows, the first union. Sinful vows should be repented of andsinful actions put away, not continued. The second vow was not alegitimate vow.
What is the meaning ofrepentance? With all other kinds of sins, we tell a person that truerepentance means putting away sin; only then can he be sure of God'sforgiveness. The following passage demonstrates this truth: Proverbs28:13, Ma. 3:8. See also II Cor 7:11.
I Cor. 5:1 says theman “has his father's wife”, not took his father's wife. As longas he was calling himself a brother, they were not to associate withhim but rather to expel him for the church. This indicates that hisimmoral relationship was an ongoing state. Other gross sins arelisted as reason for the same action by the church.
Consistency calls fordiscontinuing the adulterous marriage. If two people live infornication, in order for then to repent we tell then they must stopliving together as unmarried people. If two persons of the same sexare married, they must get out of that union, whether of not theState says it is legal. With other sins it is the same. Why thenwould this not apply also to divorced and remarried persons living inadultery?
Whatabout I Cor 7:15 “A believing man or women is not bound...” Boundto what? In observing the context, it seems the best understanding isto say: “He/she is not bound to fulfill his/her marital rights ifthe unbelieving spouse voluntarily leaves. He.she is not bound toforce the unbeliever to stay.” To say that this “not bound”passage means that one may divorce and remarry causes Paul tocontradict himself in what he says.
Doesn'tPaul say that “each on should retain the place in life that theLord assigned to him and to which God called him” and “to remainin the situation which he was when God called him”? (I Cor. 7:17,20, 24) Yes, but God does not call people into a state of adultery.They should remain only in situations that are not sinful, as per theexamples given: circumcision, being a slave. To apply this toremarriage situation requires one to also say that a person who issingle or a widow when he accepts Christ must always remain single.
Didn'tPaul say that is you are loosed from a wife you may marry withoutsinning? Actually, what he said is “Are you loosed from a wife? Donot seek a wife, but if you do married, you have not sinned; and if avirgin married, she has not sinned...” (I cor 7:27, 28) He did notsay “If you remarry, you have not sinned.” To marry if onesspouse has died is not sin, but to use this passage to justifyremarriage while the first partner is living causes Paul tocontradict himself in this same chapter (vs. 10, 11, 39) and in histeachings in Romans 7:2, 3 and to contradict the teachings of Jesus(Mk. 10:11, 12; Lk. 16:18). One must ask the question: how may aperson properly be “loosed from a wife” in order to marry again?The Scriptural answer is: the death of the partner (I Cor 7:39, Rom7:2, 3). Furthermore, in the context of “loosing”, Paul is notspeaking about divorcees, but about virgins and widows (7:25-40).
Doesn'tGod forgive? Doesn't his mercy cover our sins? God's mercy becomesours when we confess and abandon our sins (Prov 28:13). Otherwise weare sinning deliberately, and as long as one remains in that statethere is not forgiveness (Heb 10:26-31). Note also Titus 2:11-14: thegrace of God teaches us to say “no” to ungodliness and wordlypassions-- not continue on it them. If adultery was a sin in thebeginning when first committed, common sense indicates it continuesto be sin when it continues to be committed. That is the way we viewall toher sins. Why would it be any different with adultery?
Whatif I divorced my spouse before I was a believer in Christ? Doesn'tthat allow me to remarry(or stay with present spouse)? We need toremember that marriage was not first of all Christian institutionsand is valid whether on marries as a Christian of not. Adultery isnot a sin that only Christians can commit. If marriages were validonly for Christians, then we would have to tell all unbelievers thattheir marriages are worthless and that in God's sight they are notmarried. This approach would also conflict with the passages in Gen20 and Matthew 14 where Abimelech and Herod, as unbelievers, wereclearly condemned by God in what they had done.
Adulteryis an ongoing state of sin that can only be truly forgiven whendivorced and remarried persons separate. “He who covers his sinwill not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will havemercy”
For additional readingon this position:
Marriage, Divorce andRemarriage, John Colbentz, c.1992, Christian Light Publications
Till Death Do UsPart?, Joseph A. Webb, c1996, Webb Ministries, PO. Box 520729,Longwood, FL
Jesus and Divorce, TheProblem with the Evangelical Consensus, William Heth and GordonWeham, c1984, Nelson Publishers
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