July 11, 2008

• Marriage

  Since it is our anniversary, I thought I would do a post on marriage.

  Treat your spouse as precious, always. Eph. 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.

  Put the needs of your spouse ahead of your own: Phil 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. This is very important! Too many in a marriage expect their spouse to lift them up, keep them satisfied and vibrant and look for their happiness in their spouse instead of Jesus. What an unfair expectation to have of any human being on this earth. Only Jesus truly satisfies. Find your satisfaction and Joy in him and you will be able to be a blessing to your spouse.

  The more time you spend with the Lord the more of a blessing you will be to your spouse. It is a dependent relationship. Jesus said, “Abide in me and you will bear much fruit”. John 15:5 It also has to be stated that the less time you spend with Jesus the less of a blessing you will become. If you dry up spiritually in your walk with the Lord it often directly impacts your relationship with your spouse too.

  Never gossip about, demean, belittle, or dishonor your spouse to anyone!

  Learn to become best friends. Spend time together praying, volunteering, playing. God has called you to be one flesh! Not two strangers with separate lives.

  Never, Never, NEVER! harden your heart against your spouse. The minute you start telling yourself “he or she will just have to get over it” you are stepping in a bad direction in your marriage. Watch out for this one.

  We prove by our actions what our priorities really are. Watching TV or listening to our spouse. Out with friends instead of going out with your spouse. Also we prove how PRECIOUS our spouse is by HOW we treat them! Your actions speak so much more loudly than your words.

  No name-calling, no belittling, and be willing to hear eachother’s point of view.

  Do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Eph 4:26-27 Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

  Divorce is NOT an option
  Matt 5:31-32 Furthermore it has been said, Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of
  divorce. But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality
  causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
  
  Matt 19:8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce
  your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

  Mal 2:16 “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with
  violence, Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal
  treacherously.”

  Marriage is humbling! You want to stay married? Humble yourself.

  No one knows you better than your spouse. Be transparent with your spouse. “You know that bothers me because”…or “It hurts me when you say this…” Why hide from them what is on your heart?

  Wives are called to submit to their husbands. Eph 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Peter exhorts wives to do the same thing in I Peter 3:6.

  Submission is an attitude of heart to honor and love your husband that will permeate your behavior over time. Titus 2:4 Paul tells wives to love their husbands too.

  Ephesians 5 does not say wives submit to your husbands when they love you…nor does it say that husbands are to love their wives when they submit to you. You are called to do your part regardless of the performance or lack thereof of your spouse.

  Seek the Lord together about your decisions and trust that He will speak to both of you on the important issues

  We need to guard our minds from ungodly worldly influences that only disrupt our marital intimacy, like TV, the Internet, pornography, memories of old flames, trash novels or simply wrong thoughts!
  
  Proverbs 5:15-23 KJV  Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.  (16)  Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.  (17)  Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee.  (18)  Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.  (19)  Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.  (20)  And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?  (21)  For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.  (22)  His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.  (23)  He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
  
  Proverbs 6:24-34 KJV  To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.  (25)  Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.  (26)  For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.  (27)  Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?  (28)  Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?  (29)  So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.  (30)  Men do not despise a thief, if he steal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry;  (31)  But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house.  (32)  But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.  (33)  A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.  (34)  For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

  We are called to not deprive one another except with consent for a time (to seek the Lord), and that for a limited time, lest Satan get the opportunity to tempt us! 1 Corinthians 7:5

  Avoid situations that can lead to trouble! This is not rocket science, yet people who fall into adultery are shocked that some other person made a move on them, and get caught flirting and playing where they should not. If your neighbor or coworker is overly friendly, WATCH OUT! Stay away from them unless you are with your spouse!

  Things that can destroy your marriage:
  · Poor relationship with the Lord.
  · Poor relationship/friendship with your spouse.
  · Pornography – MAJOR DAMAGE!
  · Wrong comparisons in your mind of other partners whether real or from Hollywood. This discontent and shred your relationship.
  · Poor self-image, improper expectations or wrong comparisons with a super model/stud dissatisfaction of your spouse’s appearance and surprisingly with your own appearance. The world can give us a ridiculous hang up with a part of our bodies God gave for our spouse. Don’t let Satan rip you off.
  · Harsh words
  · A lack of sensitivity to your spouse’s needs.
  · Failure to give 100% even in intimacy, being self-absorbed.
  · Failure to provide the romance the other partner needs to enjoy marital intimacy.
  · Failure to make time for intimacy.

  In the world and in the church the divorce rate is over 50%. Think about that! Why is the number so high?

  The works of the (walking in the) flesh are:
  · Adultery, fornication, (sexual immorality)
  · uncleanness, (impure thoughts)
  · lasciviousness, (eagerness for lustful pleasure)
  · witchcraft, (participation in demonic activities)
  · hatred, (hostility)
  · variance, (quarreling)
  · emulations, (jealousy)
  · wrath, (outbursts of anger)
  · strife, (selfish ambition)
  · sedition, (divisions)
  · heresies, (the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group)
  · Envying, (envy)
  · murders,
  · drunkenness,
  · revelings, (wild parties)
  · and such like, (and other kinds of sin)
  
  What God has called us to as believers is to walk in (the works of) the Holy Spirit. Those behaviors are the following:
  · love,
  · joy,
  · peace,
  · long suffering, (patience)
  · gentleness, (kindness
  · goodness, (hostility)
  · faith, (faithfulness)
  · Meekness, (gentleness)
  · temperance, (self-control)
  · against such there is no law, (Here there is no conflict with the law)

  Allow Galatians 5 to be the rule for determining when one or the other is walking in the flesh. When the husband or the wife is walking in the flesh, have the genuine humility to submit to God’s Word on the issue and correct yourself!

  Pray.
  
  Get into God’s word. Make the list of the works of the flesh and the works of the Spirit. Make it a point to memorize these behaviors. Then Filter!
  To filter means, before you speak to your spouse run the comment or attitude through the filter of Galatians 5. Is this comment/attitude a work of the flesh? If it is, then the problem is not with your spouse, it is with your one heart. If the comment/attitude is not a work of the flesh, then it is profitable to speak it to your spouse.

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