May 2, 2010
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Worlds Apart
Disclaimer: This post is not written about/at any individual person but more toward a mindset I have been noticing. Now on to the post….
I don’t really know if this is an universally global thing but sometimes it seems like people have a mold that you are supposed to fit in. Not only fit in but a mold that someone else decided defines as the boundaries you can not cross in your life. If you do all Hell breaks loose.
This is not talking about a parent child things but more to the friend end of the relationship spectrum.
It becomes like a battlefield…. You are told to “Dare to be Yourself” and “Your Inner Self is Beautiful” but then find yourself on a landmine being ripped to pieces because your feelings on as little of one subject remains different than the friend that you had otherwise had a good relationship with.
Sometimes it is like we run into people who nitpicks at our current beliefs like its a friendship breaker when before that we always had gotten along.
Sometimes its the “big things”
Pro-life or Pro-choice
Straight or LGBT
BSDM or “Vanilla”
Religious leanings and beliefs
Political Party or Thoughts
etcor it is about “little things”
Shortness of Skirts or Shorts
Level of Exposed Cleavage
If you choose to cover your head or not.
Length of hair
Piercings or tattoos
etc.And God forbid if your view changes on any subject. For example if you go from “Pro-choice” to “Pro-life”. It won’t matter if you agree on everything else…it seems as this one change totally changes who you are. When it changes only one aspect of who you are. In this situation you are basically the same person in a diffrent outer package.
What makes it that we have these “molds” for people? What makes it that we are so unforgiving if people change their beliefs on a subject from time to time or don’t fit into the “mold” that we would have thought for them?
I am not naive enough to not understand that some of it comes from a religious belief line of thought and anyone not within that line of thought could possible be sinning. But what ever happened to the friendship that was shared when it came to stuff you saw eye to eye on. No matter how well meaning your disagreement may mean the fact remains that by forcing someone in a mold you may loose that person for ever. Not because they were sinners or evil but because they were human and were making chioces with thier own judgement and decision making process.
I am not saying that your beliefs don’t matter only that if you wish a friend to respect your beliefs that differ maybe you need to respect theirs and focus on the things that made them your friend in the first place.
The differences make the world interesting. Without them we would do best to talk with ourselves because we already know the answer.
That’s just my two cents.
Thoughts?
Comments (16)
I don’t even know what vanilla means in relation to BSDM. Lol. But I completely agree. I’ve definitely noticed friendships get strained because of political or religious beliefs. I once had a friendship completely strained because my dad hunts for snow geese which have a destructive population and that it was such an inhumane thing for me to support my dad in hunting these birds (even though we do use them for food) we got in a HUGE fight over it.
I really felt insulted that they wanted to risk a friendship over something my dad does and I support?
I notice it here on xanga with political standings as well. And some people don’t even give you the chance at friendship, see that your opinion is different from theirs and immediately hate you. :/
Amen. Im on the same page as you on this, but even if i wasnt, we would still be friends.
I don’t know what BDSM is so vanilla means nothing to me either. But anyway, my thoughts -
It’s hard to lose a friend. It can be devastating at times. And yes, sometimes we lose friends over issues that really shouldn’t affect us that adversely. People are petty, it’s part of our sinful flesh.
That being said, sometimes it is necessary to retire a friendship with someone because of a change in, or a sudden realization of, a belief they have. There are certain things that we, at least as Christians, are told quite explicitly to not support. Abortion being the instance that comes to mind first. I will, and have, dropped friends I’ve known from childhood because I found out they supported abortion. Perhaps,… PERHAPS a valid alternative would be to remain their friend and attempt to reason with them why abortion is so wrong, and hope to change their outlook. That’s a decision I had to make in my example, and I chose the course of action I did because there are some things I simply cannot tolerate. Not only because I’m personally very strongly against them, but because I must hate the things that God hates. Friendship with the world is enmity with God.
You can make a very valid case that it’s my Christian duty to stay with that person and witness to them, and hope to see them come to understand the sin that is abortion. However, while we have a duty to the lost we also have a duty to guard our own hearts. So I don’t fault someone who chooses to react the way I did, and I don’t fault someone who chooses to react the other way. It’s a choice that must be made by the person involved and while it may hurt, in the long run it’s ultimately a part of life. We get back up, we shake ourselves off, and we move on.
I’m with you! I sense that I’ve been growing and changing. I’m saddened that others didn’t wanna come with me in our friendship and so I felt ostracized by them. Now I’m looking for new friends.
i dont want this to ever happen to me and my best friend. we have been friends since 4, (now 18!) and i realised we do have a lot of differences in terms of personality, (me outgoing, she never talks to new people), boys, (she like jocks, but i like smart nice guy), etc etc. But we still are best friends now, and i hope it can last forever.
I can think of one friendship I had that ended because of differing beliefs. I was told never to speak about God again in this person’s presence, and I told her that I guess we couldn’t talk at all any more. One of my t-shirts has a “Social Hazard” warning on it, and I guess that pretty much describes me lol.
To support you
I have to completely agree !!
Well written and I am the square peg that doesn’t fit in any of the round holes and never will.
i miss some of my old friends. i’ve lost friends b/c of not getting in touch enough. I have really blown it by being selfish, more than once.
@x_Butterflies_and_Hurricanes_x - Vanilla in relation to BDSM is not having anything to do with teh kinky side. *shrugs* A little silly to get up in arms about.
Anyway, it’s a universal thing indeed, and a frustrating one at that. Even interests can set me apart from the majourity of my friends. I lose a lot of friends before I can ever really call them a friend. I tend not to tell people what goes on in my head anymore from the fact that an opinion doesn’t register with people or something. I dunno how to explain that. I’m in high school, though, so having any interest in what tomorrow’s outfit is or what party is coming up on the weekend is a highway to the Land of Outcast, and I have a lot more interests than that.
and the more controversial someone gets the more they’re bound to be outcasted. That’s what kills me, in my opinion. While people are bound to leave you over your political stance of, say, democrat versus republican, you’re going to get it worse when, and if, you don’t like the certain type of government at all. Say you prefer communism over democracy and you voice this, prepare for a lot of people who will outcast you.
I’ve lost a few friends. Some I treasured more than others and thus hurt me more than others. But it wasn’t because we had a difference in opinion. Some grew apart and we lost touch. Others were due to a series of offenses and loss of moral senses.
I feel that if a friendship should be lost, it shouldn’t be due to something like a difference of opinion but something devastating to the foundation of friendship.
Great post. I have my secret side, because of this intolerance you mentioned. It’s amazing what people attack.
Sometimes that’s not it at all. Sometimes you slowly lose respect for a person due to their attitude, not beliefs. Sometimes, someone changes so much in their attitudes towards others you can’t possibly respect them anymore. And you have two choices… you can make a scene and make a big deal out of it, or you can quietly back away and realize that talking probably won’t do any good, as you’ve tried it with them several times before.
Hello…IT is true that relationships reveal who we are and who the other person is and if there can be a lasting bridge built between us of true friendship. The best friendships are the ones where we share common core beliefs and values, like believing in God, kindness and common decency. The best friends I have had are loyal, kind, and compassionate. They are not judgmental, but good listeners and they are uplifting in what they say. We all need those kind of relationships. If a bridge cannot be built, or is blown up by the other person’s choice, we continue to cross over bridges still accessable to us and rejoice in the good friendships we are able to nurture and be nurtured in. Find a good friend, plant good things in their life, and what beauty will continue to grow and bloom!
Wow, this fits my life perfectly right now. Amazing post!