June 17, 2008
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This Past Weekend
I had something happen to me this past Sunday. We were sitting in church just a few minutes before it started. I was at the end of the row. I heard the lady at the end say to the guy she was sitting with “If we have to hold hands, I am not holding HER hands….look at her head.”
What was she talking about? My Psoriasis spots of course. She was trying to whisper it to him, so I doubt that she knew I heard.
I felt like turning around and saying “It is Psoriasis and it is NOT contagious” but I didn’t
I felt like that would be rude.
I don’t think she was meaning for me to over hear her. But it just reminded me again that some people are ignorant. So I am taking upon myself to show you all pictures of Psoriasis. So that you know. When you see people with spots or patches of this stuff. IT IS NOT CONTAGIOUS.
Please don’t make rude comments.
Please don’t stare.
We are people too and we have feelings too.
Plus how do you think visitors feel when they hear someone talk about them like that?
What would the proper response have been? Just ignore like I did? Say something?
What would you have done if it was you?
Comments (22)
You did the right thing by ignoring it.
Not causing a scene during church was very noble of you. You might consider talking to her one on one outside of church to explain your condition. That way, neither of you will be “on the spot”, but she will be educated enough to not perpetuate rumors, even innocent ones, about your condition.
When I first was diagnosed with endometriosis, my ill-informed aunt put me on the prayer list. She explained to everyone that it was “a horribly painful STD”. Not trying to promote mean spirited gossipping, she just really didn’t know what she was talking about. Yup, the following Sunday no one brought their children to the nursery, just in case my “STD” was contagious. There were several weeks of embarrassing encounters before our pastor had to take time during services to explain endo from the pulpit. Still didn’t educate everyone, and I resigned as nursery teacher anyways. Explaining before rumors start could be very beneficial to you and your church family.
@SuzieHuitt - It was not our church family. It was our first Sunday ever attending there. I don’t think I could ever go back. The preaching was wonderful, but to say something like that about a visitor, if you want then to hear or not.
It’s bad enough that the psoriasis is making me loose my hair but for people to say things like that. It just hurts. I don’t know that I could go back there.
I would rather drive the 45 minutes to the Chester Springs Calvary Chapel.
i would have ignored her to but thenm after church i would have said umm can i have a few words with you…
btw.. hjows your husbadn doing on his over nights shifts???
Sorry that this has happen to you some people have no respect for others, i probably would had done the same thing and said nothing, but i would also have a hard time going back, my hubby has lost a lot of his pigment in his hands arms and face and head this has just started about two years ago , so far we have not experience anybody not wanting to shake his hand , some do ask what has happen and then we tell them that it has come from his thyroid. have a great day
sandy
@jeskecentral - night shift is going ok. Thanks for asking
Ok, so apparently, I am way less noble than you. I would’ve stood up, turned around, offered my hand and said, “Hi, I’m new to this church! It’s so nice to meet new people!” No mention of your condition, just an opportunity for her to redeem herself with a handshake. I’m sorry you had to endure that. People are ignorant.
That’s unfortunate. It sounds like you handle yourself well with this. If they go to your church, you should get to know them better, and then you might get a good opportunity to educate them. They didn’t see you as a person. They saw a disease. They’ve got some spiritual growing to do. Make them welcome.
So sorry! My mom has psoriasis, and she has always struggled with this same sort of thing. Lots of times people just don’t stop to think, how what they are saying sounds, or what it would feel like if it was them. They just don’t think.
@Kristenmomof3 - Complete strangers would be even worse. I certainly understand not wanting to go back there.
I am sorry this has been your experience, that is horrid. I think if you or ‘hubby’ was feeling brave enough and you thought you might like to attend there I would quietly have a word with her.
((((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))
x
Sorry to hear that.. You absolutely did the right thing. It’s so sad that a lot of people nowadays are not being sensitive to other people’s feelings. I would have talked to her too, if I were in the same situation.
You should have said something. People always fear what they do not know or do not understand. In your case you should have told her what it was, and corrected her in her ignorance. Hell isn’t the church suppose to be a place of acceptance and aplace without judgement?
If it had been me, i would have turned around politely and said, mama, I doubt you ment for me to hear you, however i took offense to what you said because this ia a illness and One I can not control. At least you would have been standing up for your self and educating someone about something they did not understand.
Sorry to hear that you are judged so harshly for your illness. However like I said poeple always fear and judge what they do not know or understand and in some case even if they do know or understand theyw ill still judge you.
You have a choice in those situations and that is, do you want them to go on judging other in such harsh ways, or you can attempt to change their way of thinking by catching them when they jusge you and letting them know it is wrong.
Illyria
All I can think of is Jesus and the Leper (definitely a contageous disease) and HE was WILLING to touch the man, and love Him. Too bad that the person in the church was not more like Jesus. I don’t know what I would do, but I think you handled it well, but that is hard to advise. Wish you could come to our church.
Heather
People are so ignorant! It isnt like you have leperosy! MY husband has a mild case of psoriasis on his scalp and he has issues with the scales flaking off.
I think you did the right thing by not making a scene you reflected Jesus to them. Even thought it isi hard turn the other cheek is still int the Bible. Though it doesnt say anything aobut your friends coming along and setting them straight!LOL Need a body guard?
I suppose there will always be people like her! Prayer for her as I pray for you!
If you must say something, it is wise that you didn’t during the service.
I only happen to know that this is not contageous because of something I read once. It is a very little known condition. Perhaps you could give a quick psoriasis presentation at your church sometime, even if only in a small-group setting.
It is important to the health of your church body for them to know how the whispered comments hurt you (you don’t have to name names). Only by becoming aware of the problem can they do something about the condition of their hearts.
I know this was upsetting and hurtful to you. The fact that she said it loud enough for you to hear deeply wounded your heart.
I think it was good you didn’t say anything during church. Even though most people would agree that she was out of line for saying what she did, if you’d disrupted the service (was this during church?) they would have seen you as the one who was out of line as well.
The pictures speak for themselves. It looks painful.
My thinking, if it was me or my children, in public I would cover as much as possible to prevent gawking, and shunning. I would enter situations knowing people are not going to want to come too close, etc. I’d probably wear gloves too. I’d also “worry” that I’d get some type of infection if I didn’t keep covered up. At home would be a different story, bcz its home. And if people came to the house, they’d have to deal with it. I am a very self counscious person, though it might seem otherwise, so I would go overboard keeping it all out of site.
Somoene mentioned leprosy…one episode of little house or some pioneer show featured a beautiful lady who had leaprosy. Obviously she was dressed in the garb of the era, but it was only when she removed her hat and gloves that anyone could tell. That would be me.
Question: Does the sun hurt or help? Have you ever tried a salt water bath or take a dip in the ocean when your psoriasis is flared up? Did you try the TEA TREE OIL?
I like the idea of waiting till after church was over, then talking to her and explaining that you overheard her and it hurt your feelings. Her expression or chance to explain herself would then give you a chance to say what you are dealing with. I have worked in the medical world and many are taught to avoid touching any skin conditons that look like that. Maybe she is a nurse and was just following medical nursing orders. If it had been me, I’m the type of person, who would have probably leaned over to her during the offering and told her that I overheard her words. Then I’d tell her what I had and ask her if she had ever known someone with this before. I can still remember the first time I had to watch someone dying of cancer………..We all have to learn about others health issues a first time thru a first person. Have you ever made a similar mistake with a human being? Sometime we feel bad later about our first impression of someone or words that we might speak without getting to know someone first. We are all held accountable for every word or thought………some speak first and think later. I say we allow each other our sinfulness and show the unsaved that we are all sinners but can choose to forgive each others sins. Without talking to her there is so much room for assumption here too. Can you hear that too?
@rubieslegacy - Does the sun hurt or help?
A little sun can help.
Sunburn … makes it worse
HONESTLY I wouldn’t have known if it was contagious or not either. She was just probably stereotyping. I wouldn’t say she was being ignorant, impolite sounds just right.
P.S: I’m not defending her in any way.
Wow, that is tough. I don’t know what I would do honestly. Well, no I do know what I would do. As a typical BPD I would have bottled it up, not said anything, and would have continous internal dialog with myself of what I could have (or should have) done. I know it sounds terrible but it’s the truth.
I agree with the other person that is to say something but not during the mass. That is never good. At least if you wait it gives you time to think about how you might want to say it. Maybe approach the person and say, “Forgive me but I overheard you remark about not wanting to hold my hand due to the visable sores that I have. I know you do not know me nor do I know you but I thought it would be to your benefit to tell you that I have Psoriasis. Furthermore I would like to reassure you that it is not contagous. As I am sure you are concerned for your own well being I wanted to inform you of that so next time you will not feel frightened by my appearance.”
I don’t know maybe that’s much but it’s a nice way to go about it. Will certainly make her feel like a real… well I’ll keep that to myself LOL! I can somewhat relate to you because I have terrible welts on my face which because of mental issues I pick at constantly. I have a mess on my face most of the time which makes me never want to leave my home. I can’t help it but I do notice people look at me like I have something contagious. It’s fusterating but there is nothing you can really do about it. To each his own I guess.
Hang in there and don’t beat yourself up about it eventhough I’m sure you have already done so.
Much blessings!
Christine