August 18, 2010
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Coming Out
Coming out is a process through which lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transgendered people initially discover and accept who they are as LGBTQ, and then over time, decide to publicly name and affirm their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. The process varies by person and situation, can happen at a young age or an older age, and is a continuing, sometimes lifelong process (since many people assume heterosexuality). For many people, there is tension due to the societal norms of heterosexuality and the negativity placed on anything outside those norms. Coming out can have negative consequences, but LGBT people often describe a sense of relief and a lessening of tension because of not denying this important part of their identity.For those who are choosing to come out (**Remember, this is your choice and you should not be pressured by friends or family), here are some things you should keep in mind:
* Do you have support? If the people you come out to react negatively you want to have a support system that can validate your self-worth.
* Timing is important. If you have choice in this matter, you want to choose times when friends/family are not in high stress times (holidays, death of a family member/friend, job loss, etc.).
* What is their view on LGBT issues? The answer to this can give you a hint on how they would react. If you don’t know, test the waters by bringing up a TV show or movie with an LGBT character or discuss how someone in your class or at your work is LGBT.
* Financial Issues. If you think there is a chance of being kicked out of the house or having funds taken away, you might want to consider coming out after financial issues are finalized.
* Who are you going to come out to first? This varies by person and situation, but coming out to people you know will give you support can be a good first step (i.e. other LGBT people or people who know LGBT people).
* Are you comfortable with your own sexuality? Even though one does not have to be fully comfortable with their own sexuality before coming out to many people, knowing who you are and being confident about it will show through when you tell people.
* How do you want to come out? Again, this varies. Some LGBT people will slip specific words into conversation and some will specifically tell people their identity.
Comments (61)
Good post. I think these are important points. I’m struggling with my brother and sister in law who are hardcore Christians. (But still very accepting and loving)
Are you getting the attention you so desperately want now?
nice post. im not lgbt but i think that is good to come out and these seem like an excellent way to do it
@Giantofdespair - excuse me?
@Giantofdespair - oh really….so that’s where you want to go with this? Really???????
Thank you for this informative post. I don’t know about coming out to my friends and the rest of my family but my mom has the gist implanted in her noggin. :] lol thanks again.
@katieeyes - thanks
@okitapieds - thank you
@queenof__hearts - :) thanks
@Kristenmomof3 - Why not
@Giantofdespair - what the hell is your problem?
@Giantofdespair - well, for one it is a very duchy thing to say.
#2 It is a good informative helpful post that can help many people
#3 this has nothing to do with attention.
#4 I think you just have issues this me as a person and that is fine. That is your right. Just like it is your right to act duchy if you want to. Whatever. But I will say this. If you want to act like a duchy, dont expect me to answer.
Have a nice day
@katieeyes - My problem? I don’t recall directing any questions to you.
@Kristenmomof3 - Not at all. I was simply asking you a question.
@Giantofdespair - uh yeah it became directed to me when you asked that totally obnoxious question, and it pissed me off.
@katieeyes - Obnoxious in what way. It was a serious question not an attack against her. She goes from preaching the word of God ( somewhat) to dressing like a man then promoting sin. Either she has turned her back on the word of God or she doesn’t know the word of God. It’s really that simple. I could care less if I piss you off or anyone else.
@Giantofdespair - http://kristenmomof3.xanga.com/731230165/not-a-sin/
wow I think that I have stepped into something. I do not see this post as being sinned filled but educational for people.
@Happygolucky432 - well, I guess some people think I am a gross dirty sinner for posting stuff like this.
I had a friend back in small town in 1986 that could have used this type of advice. He wound up homeless at 17 years old when he told his mom that he was gay.
@Kristenmomof3 - I noticed you use the words of a man a gay man( Bishop John Spong ) Who in his own words denies the that bible is the word of God. You did research this man before you quoted him, yes?
Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation, or creed.
Author: Bertrand Russel
@Giantofdespair - Disagree with her all you want, but there’s no need to be a tool.
I also knew a young boy that was only 15 years old that commited suicide after he had told his youth minister that he was gay. The youth minister threw him out of the car that he was riding him home in and told him that he was going to hell. I would not want to be in that youth ministers shoes when his judgement day comes.
@agnophilo - Wasn’t being a tool my friend. Maybe we have different thoughts on the meaning of the word tool.
@Giantofdespair - maybe if you were a TINY bit more open-minded you would see that not everyone has your same beliefes, honey. RELIGIOUS or otherwise. There are people who are stabbed, murdered, ridiculed, and abused for being WHO THEY REALLY ARE. maybe you should do some research.
@Giantofdespair - You were being a tool, as in a dick.
@Giantofdespair - And yes it’s dickish to accuse someone of being an attention whore for posting a blog… on a blogging website.
@agnophilo - Ah a dick. Thanks for clarifying.
@agnophilo - I’m pretty sure I never called her a whore but if you’d be so kind to point it out I’ll retract that.
@katieeyes - Open minded to what. Maybe you should read my blog before you make such judgments.
@Giantofdespair - ill pass on that
@katieeyes - Ignorance is bliss.
@Giantofdespair - I’m not going to because of the first comment you made. I will not add to your feedback log, absolutely not.
@katieeyes - Feedback log.LOL I haven’t a feedback log that i am aware of. Do I? It was a question nothing more.
@Giantofdespair - it was a question with evil intent behind it, not “just a question”
@katieeyes - So you know what is in my heart?
@Giantofdespair - any statement that has “have you gotten the attention you wanted?” in it, is not nice. it’s with evil intent.
@katieeyes - I didn’t write it to come across as “not nice” I was curious, nothing more. Please forgive my insensitivity. Maybe I should’ve said did this increase your feedback log?
@Giantofdespair - I dont see how the question you originally posted has anything to do with her post, since you obviously have never been gay or any of the above mentioned sexualitites.
@Giantofdespair - you shouldnt have said anything if what you were planning on posting something that had nothing to do with the content of her post
@katieeyes - So being gay is a thing that one can be at one time and not be at another time.
@Giantofdespair - uhm, no. it doesnt work like that.
@katieeyes - Then why did you say it?
@Giantofdespair - my comment was worded wrong.
goodbye
@katieeyes - I forgive you.
I think that this is a good post for people who need it. People who love God are called to love people too. What is something you do when you love someone? You help them.
This is a good post, and it is too bad that people are being jerks and attention whores on the post.
So Perhaps it is because of being gone from xanga as of recent due to bad wifi at home and stuff… but have you always been this supportive of lgbt stuff and i am just remembering the wrong person?
@Giantofdespair - ”Are you getting the attention you so desperately want now? “
respectfully, i don’t see how this is pertinent or relevent at all to this topic or to Kristen at all.
@Kristenmomof3 - ((hugs))
@mooshpitmatt - I haven’t always been this vocal about it
@Kristenmomof3 - yay for vocal!
@Giantofdespair - You’re being deliberately obtuse.
@katieeyes - attention you so desperately want*
It was even more dickish than what you quoted.
Wow!! I merely read this as a post of someone,..who was sympathetic to gays!! Seems like I ran headlong into something else!!
Guess things CAN’T be read as merely being informative!! :d
If Kirstin posts something about Deafness,..it doesn’t automatically mean that she has a hearing loss!! Why would some folks make innuindos,..if she has merely posted about something?
Stanelle :d
A dumb deafie,..who has definitely missed something going on here!!
Man, I totally disagree with this. Be who you are and if somebody doesn’t like it, you should promptly flip them off.
@Giantofdespair – You are the reason people resent Christians. Can you give me one verse where Jesus Christ talked about homosexuality? You can’t, because He didn’t; in spite of the fact that homosexuality was quite prevalent in Roman culture at that time. So either He didn’t see it as a sin, or it at least wasn’t a huge issue for Him. What He DID talk about was people being hypocritical, and passing judgment on other peoples’ lives in matters that were none of their business. You are a Pharisee, and if you do not repent, Jesus will disown you.
@maskedman23 - Wow dude! What are you talking about?
@Giantofdespair - “Are you getting the attention you so desperately want now?”
What a completely condescending, resentful thing to say. If you can’t see how totally judgmental that is, then you are being willfully obtuse. What harm has befallen you due to her sexual preferences? What great sin against Jesus Christ is she committing in being lesbian? And if she does wrong God, what business is that of yours?
@maskedman23 - She isn’t a lesbian and even if she what makes you believe for a second that I care.
@Giantofdespair - Learn English before you attempt to employ it. You just had a compound sentence. Let’s analyze it, shall we?
She isn’t a lesbian and even if she what makes you believe for a second that I care.
The first part is clear enough: “She isn’t a lesbian.” Subject, predicate, object. Of course, she clearly IS a lesbian, or at least someone who is deeply interested in homosexuality. So the content of that statement would seem to be absurd. Would you mind explaining that to me?
The second part just seems like gibberish to me. ”Even if she what makes you believe for a second that I care.”
What does that even mean?! I’m actually confused by that. That’s not even a valid clause or phrase. ”She” seems to be the subject. Or is it “you?” Or maybe “I?” And what is the predicate of this sentence? ”Makes?” ”Believe?” Care?” It’s almost like this was written by a four-year-old with spell check.
@maskedman23 - LOL. That was great. Thank you.
@Giantofdespair - You blocked me. You’re a coward.
“Financial Issues. If you think
there is a chance of being kicked out of the house or having funds taken
away, you might want to consider coming out after financial issues are
finalized.”
This has been my problem. My parents are paying my rent and helping me through college. If I were to tell him that I am bisexual, their support would likely disappear.
Luckily, I am not a lesbian. I can still make do with dating guys… The whole situation with my family just cuts down on the percentage the population I can date.
My sister is very open-minded though. I’ve told her about being attracted to women. And I think she is on some level too. I think man (maybe even most) women are.