October 14, 2011
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Interesting question
Can a person call themselves a lesbian and date a FTM (female to male) Transgender person?
Would they still be a lesbian? Wouldn’t that be a straight relationship?
Can a person call themselves a lesbian and date a FTM (female to male) Transgender person?
Would they still be a lesbian? Wouldn’t that be a straight relationship?
Comments (15)
It’ll be interesting to see the responses to this.
I believe that a lot of this is simply confusing.
I wish people would just own up to the position that they’re in.
IF they’re dating someone who is the oposite sex, but has transitioned, maybe they should just say that. IF they’re not ashamed, then maybe that’s all that needs to be said.
The problem I think it’s the titles/labels.
I think we just need to say where we’re at in relatioships these days as it comes because it gets too confusing.
If they are in a committed, long term relationship in which neither has plans to literally go through a gender change…I would probably say it’s a lesbian relationship. If the female is actually attracted to the male characteristics that the FTM is showing and it’s more of a short term relationship, then I would say they may lean towards bisexual. If the FTM partner had plans or was going through a literal gender change then I would go with bisexual or perhaps even straight. Although really, I agree with LKJ…the problem is with the labels. Why do we NEED to label the person? Who are we really clarifying for? Ourselves?
P.S. I really love your blog’s banner.
Well, if that means they’re not a lesbian, then I must be a lesbian? I’m curious to see the response to this question.
Not necessarily. I think it might have more to do with whether or not one person wants to be the dominant one in the sexual realm. And even then, I’m not sure that gender is important. Basically, the two people have to be sexually compatible. Some lesbian relationships have one who is more dominant sexually. And some don’t. Same can be said of heterosexual relationships, the male is often on the dominant side, but by no means always.
I’m not making a lick of sense, re: your question! Challenging question! Let me just think of it in terms of myself. If I was with a girl who is actually more of a dude, I think we’d be great friends but it wouldn’t be my preference, sexually. She may or may not be more dominating during sex, but women who are very dominating during sex aren’t a good sexual match for me in a lesbian relationship, I would prefer really girly girls. With big boobs, hahahaha.
It’s like if she doesn’t like her female essence and all the things associated with that, it wouldn’t feel that much like a lesbian relationship to me. I guess if the person has fully transitioned to male, it would feel more like a heterosexual relationship to me, but that’s just me personally. If I want to be with a female I want to be with a girly female. Didn’t they used to call that lipstick lesbian?
OMG I hope crimes of doug moe doesn’t read your blog. He’d go bonkers.
@LKJSlain - My self given label is bisexual, and since I claim to be that, I don’t feel wrongly labled. But it’s not always that clear cut, and so maybe there’s another option, namely to tell confused people not to concern themselves with it overmuch. Which might be another version of what you’re saying.
The ftm is and has always been a man in mind and spirit but not
in body. So if they are dating someone and the person calls themselves a lesbian it could make the FTM feel like the person does not see them as a male but sees them as a women. Dating for transgendered people
is VERY HARD. Can you imagine walking up to a girl in a club and really
hitting it off, only to find out that that cute girl you’ve been
hitting on all night isn’t really a girl? I think that’s why transmen
have such trouble dating lesbians. Think about all the surgeries that a
transman must go through. All the torturous years of self-hate and
social outcast for being nothing more than who you truly are… Then
they find out that now, when they’ve finally become the man they were
supposed to be all along, they’re being hit on by someone who, in
general, only hits on chicks. The last thing you want is to go through
all that pain, just to think that you’re still girly in any way. You’ll
find that a lot of transmen kind of… overplay their manliness because
of this. If you want to hit it off with the guy, treat him like A GUY.
Try and avoid using the word lesbian, or perhaps say that you’re bi
instead… It’ll make him more comfortable, and you won’t have any
awkward explaining to do…
@DivaJyoti - it’s true, it’s not always clear cut.
I suppose I am just saying that in the moment, we should say, “I’m dating a man…” Or, “I’m dating a transgendered man” or … I dunno. hah.
@LKJSlain -
@Kristenmomof3 - So you already had an answer to your question in mind, that’s cool then.
Did I fail with my attempted answer? I honestly can’t tell.
If you had just blogged that, I couldn’t disagree, I know that much, it makes sense. So you would lean toward saying it’s a straight relationship then, right?
@DivaJyoti - I would say that
@Kristenmomof3 - OK.
It totally depends on the couple and it is different for all. some couples say fuck the labels. some ftm’s want to be thought of as nothing but MALE and would demand a straight identified woman. (there are dating sites out there for FTMs seeking straight women) Others are proud, out, transmen working for the cause! Some lesbians would never consider dating a transman because it would be against their lesbian identity (I have found these to *mostly* be the older generation lesbians) while another lesbians are open to having their partner transition.
Some transmen date transwomen. They both identify as queer. Some transmen are femme. Some transwomen are tomboys.
Everyone gets so caught up in labels. it baffles me, personally. I once identified as a lesbian and my partner transitioned to a male. Did I change my “label”? Pshh, I could have been labeled a potato for all I cared. Too many boxes.So, in my opinion, there’s no official answer to this question.if anyone is curious about anything trans, hit me up. I’ve had a million trannie friends in the past and had a relationship with an FTM during transition. Wasn’t that big of a deal (for me), really.
If Chaz Bono’s fiancee can date, then agree to marry him while he’s still pre-op and consider herself straight, I don’t see why not.
It depends on the individual and how they identify.
That it is a strait relationship, so yes if you were attracted to a ftm you would be involved in a strait relationship. I saw you on my page and thought this was an interesting topic. hope you don’t mind me answering. I’m going to close my site down, lack of things to post about but if you ever want to reach me I’m going to be revamping my own web page http://www.artofxan.com/ and thanks for the visit
i think a label is what people choose to self-identify as. one could be a lesbian but dating a FTM transgender person and still be a lesbian in name but dating a male in that one instance. it doesn’t change what they identify as.
for example, khai has called herself a lesbian but was in a relationship with a man before. it doesn’t make her “less of a lesbian” just “a lesbian in a relationship with a male.”