October 27, 2010
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What do you think about queer couples raising families?
Ok to all my brave blog readers out there. Can you please answer this question and give your reasons why or why not.
What do you think about queer/same-sex couples raising families?
In the 2000 U.S. Census, 33 percent of female same-sex couple households and 22 percent of male same-sex couple households reported at least one child under eighteen living in their home
More than 25 years of research have documented that there is no relationship between parents’ sexual orientation and any measure of a child’s emotional, psychosocial, and behavioral adjustment. These data have demonstrated no risk to children as a result of growing up in a family with 1 or more gay parents. Conscientious and nurturing adults, whether they are men or women, heterosexual or homosexual, can be excellent parents. -Pawelski, James G., Perrin, Ellen C., Foy, Jane M., Allen, Carole E., Crawford, James E., Del Monte, Mark, Kaufman, Miriam, Klein, Jonathan D., Smith, Karen, Springer, Sarah, Tanner, J. Lane, Vickers, Dennis L. The Effects of Marriage, Civil Union, and Domestic Partnership Laws on the Health and Well-being of Children Pediatrics 2006 118: 349-364; available online: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/118/1/349
What do you think about queer/same-sex couples raising families?
Comments (54)
it is not important whether a child is being raised by a heterosexual or same-sex couple; the only thing that is important is that the child is loved, cared for, nurtured, taught how to be kind and generous, taught to not judge, taught how to love, taught about respect, understanding, taught manners, taught how to be independent, how to be strong, how to stand up for themselves, taught how to be a good person, etc….so what do i think I think? if one wants to love and raise a child, one’s sexuality certainly has nothing to do with one’s ability to do so.
As long as the parents are loving and the family is happy, I don’t think it matters if the child(ren) are raised by a gay or a straight couple. Love is not only color blind, it is gender-neutral.
the love, nurturing and care of a child is far more important than the sexual orientation of the parent. Doesnt matter. Plenty of hetero couples just plain fail at parenting.
i really believe that in most cases. children with same sex parents have a better childhood than those with heterosexual people.
But not that all are perfect. in my mind, i believe that no matter the sexual orientation, races, religious or whatever, children should all be raised with loving parent[s]. as long as children are safe, happy and well taken cared for, what does it matter who took care of the children?hell, if the fairy tales can exist, children can be raised by a wolf. eh.
ooh another thing, i wanna say i love the background you made. i am so glad you have made it. i suck at making backgrounds and making my own. you made a perfect one …. if you have noticed the background i use.
I’m bothered by it, especially homosexual foster parents. These children have no rights. Here is a question I ask: If a woman/man relationships are not considered the only correct relationship – then why in a gay relationship someone plays the female role another plays the male role?
@Randy7777 - It’s the way all relationships work. There’s no “male” role or “female” role (this is why I hate the gender binary, but that’s another discussion), there’s a dominant role and a submissive role (that’s really simplifying it, and I’m aware of that). Look at your best friend. I bet there’s that relationship between the two of you as well. Someone is always more forward, and there’s always someone more reserved.
As for same sex couples raising children, sure they can. Why not? I don’t put any stock in those people who say “you need both a mother and a father to raise children correctly” because I’m the child of a single mother, and she did a bang up job with me. As long as the children are loved, what difference does it make?
As long as the child is being loved, provided for, nurtured, kept clean, etc… why not? Being gay has nothing to do with your ability to raise a child.
@Momma2babies34 - thank you
It makes no difference to me, just as long as the child is wanted, loved, and taken care of.
Sure why not. Most kids are raised in single parent families. I think it would be better to have two parents no matter what sexual orientation they are. My kids dad is in the military and I don’t think they even remember what he looks like.
@Randy7777 - I doubt that’s the case in many relationships, homosexual or not. I know my husband and I don’t fit into our supposed gender roles entirely, and I can’t imagine we’re the only couple like that. Heck, with my conservative Catholic, traditional family – my mom worked more often than my dad, my dad was the one who took us to school, the babysitter, assisted on field trips, hell he even brushed my hair in the mornings when I was a kid and learned how to braid, better than my mom! And my mom handled the money, for the most part.
As for the OP’s question: I don’t mind it at all. One of my husband’s friends whom I have grown to love, he was raised by two lesbian parents. And quite frankly, he is one of the nicest, most respectful people I have ever met. And he loves his parents, and has nothing wrong with the idea of being raised by a homosexual couple. Rather, he seems much more well adjusted than many other people our age.
Even without that experience though, I would have no problem. I mean, let’s think – say, a woman’s husband dies, and her sister or her friend moves in to help raise their children. No, they aren’t in a romantic relationship…but what’s the difference between those two women and a lesbian couple? Parents should show children they love each other, but it’s not like anyone thinks good parenting involves giving children a big window into their sex life, you know? So if two women, not in a relationship, could raise children together, without much scorn I imagine…why is it different when they’re in a relationship? Same goes for men. It’s silly. One day people will look back and wonder what was wrong with our generation, because it will be acceptable and proven to be no different, positive or negative, than straight couples raising kids.
I think ones sexual orientation doesn’t matter at all when it comes to raising a child. I have no problem with it.
I used to hold these “idealist” imaginings about how the only “right” way to parent was with a married husband and wife, the traditional family. Since my “traditional, ideal” family was shattered by death 15 years ago and I have been raising my three children as a single mom all these years, I have realized that there are all kinds of families and all kinds of good – and bad- ways to raise kids. Being married or heterosexual is no guarantee that the parenting is good or that the children will “turn out alright.” There are plenty of horrific marriages and really messed up kids from heterosexual families of origin. There are also plenty of single parents doing a great job of nurturing and raising great kids, most of us not by choice, but because we have to. I also have a gay sister who is raising my niece, because her parents are too messed up to raise her properlly, and my sis is a WONDERFUL mother to my niece….involved, nurturing, loving, supportive of her interests and talents, involved with her education…she’s raising her to be a smart, lovely girl with beautiful manners, kindness to all, and love for all. My niece is SO much better off with my sister than she would be with her own parents. I have seen it in action - sexual orientation makes not one bit of difference in parenting skills. If something happened to me, I would much rather my gay sister finished raising my daughter, than her own distant, abusive tather. She’s a great mom, in every way.
I fully support the right of all children to be raised in a loving, supportive household.
Including the children of LGBTI individuals.
I’ve seen a lot of heterosexual couples do a fantastically shitty job at raising their kids. So, I’m fine with same-sex couples raising kids. Their parenting is the only thing that matters.
Ideally we’d all be raised by our safe, sane, biological (heterosexual) parents.
Since we don’t live in that world, I would a million times rather see a homosexual couple raise a child or children than a severely dysfunctional biological family, an abusive family, or… well, you get the idea.
Let me know when we’re 99% of the way to “perfect” and I’ll worry about it then.
My only comment is, it’s sad that Xanga censors “queer” out of the front page.
I see no problem with it.
I wouldn’t say I have a problem with it, but still I wonder. I have known a few gay couples raising kids and the kids seem to be doing ok. The thing that does intrigue me, is the fact that study after study shows how damaging it is for a kid without a mother or a father figure in his/her life. Yet, other studies show kids are ok being raised by gays. While I understand that they don’t have to be the traditional gender roles, how does it work with gay couples? Does one take on the “mothering” role and the other the “fathering” role? (Not being insulting, but asking an honest question I do not know the answer to).
I would say I have more of a problem with the studies, either the one studying kids of gay parents or the ones studying kids of single parents, because I don’t see how both can be right. Maybe an answer to my above question will make the stuies’ results make more sense to me?
I would find it offensive for the government to dictate who are allowed to have children whether or not there is a religious issue. Are we going to force the country to live under Christian principles? As a Christian I find that offensive, Christianity can not be forced.
I have no problems with it. It’s not like children can’t find father figures or mother figures outside of the home anyway. I grew up without a father and I turned out just fine because I had male teachers and coaches who stepped in when I needed advice from them.
All that matters to me is that the child is loved and taken care of. Gay, heterosexual, married, not married… in the context of parenting, good parenting is the only thing I consider important.
@Randy7777 - how does your response even relate to the question? it’s not asking wether you think same sex marriages are right. It’s asking what you think of them raising families. And what do you mean by these children have no rights??
I agree with most of the other comments- what’s wrong with children being raised by homosexual couples as long as they’re loved and well taken care of?
@phillyista - @ZombieMom_Speaks - @macphoto - @Momma2babies34 - @prettynpink628 - @quodmenutriut - @airbornerose - I agree
@RaVnR - Wow. I had to go look. That shocked me.
@SoapAndShampoo - @andrialauren - I totally agree
The ideal family has a mother and a father. Male-female complementarity is how the universe is constructed so it is best if man aligns himself with the natural order of things. Nevertheless, a gay couple beats a foster or group home by a mile.
You know what they say… if a same-sex couple is raising a kid (not from a previous relationship), you can be fairly safe to assume it was a very wanted child. There are no surprises/”unwanted” children when you can’t physically reproduce with your partner. I think there is some merit to that.
@wordkisses - very true
@Randy7777 - Okay, many people assume that in a homosexual relationship someone plays the “female” role and someone plays the “male” role. That’s not the case. Perhaps one happens to be more dominant than the other, or one is considered more “masculine” or “feminine” than the other. Now, that is another issue in and of itself. There’s the whole “Who wears the pants” thing, for example. The other day I thought about the relationship between my mother and father, and I had the thought- “My mother wears the pants in that relationship”. But then I took a step back and told myself, no. She can be in a dress or a skirt or a toga for that matter, but she’s still making decisions, that doesn’t mean she’s wearing the pants- she’s wearing the role of a decision maker and dominant party in the relationship. So,sure, while in some relationships there seems to be a more dominant person, that is not always the case. And even when there is, it’s not that one person is the “man” and the other is the “woman” in the relationship. They are simply people in a relationship.
Basically what I am saying is, you are incorrect in assuming that in a homosexual relationship there is one who plays the “man” and one who plays the “woman”. What people forget is, that’s one major thing in a homosexual relationship- both parties are of the same sex.
@grim_truth - I would think that the whole issue in relating the two types of studies is not one of gender, necessarily, but of the whole partner aspect. The “traditional” family model is one of two parents, with a child. So, perhaps, since the child may not be raised in the more traditional heterosexual model, they still do have two parents. The reason for a more positive upbringing in both the male-female parenting and in same-sex parenting could be due to the fact that there are two parents, as opposed to a single-parent upbringing. That’s what I’m thinking, anyway.
Though I think that a child can be raised by just one parent and still not have a “troubled childhood” or whatever. I think that as long as there is love and a sense of caring there, parenting will be done well.
If ppl have love to give it matters not what their orientation is in my opinion. There are horrible religious parents who are outwardly sterile but corrupt in other ways. So yeah, I think kids need loving homes, gay, straight, etc
@grim_truth - assuming that the child is a baby, then that child does not necessarily need a “mother figure” or a “father figure”. they need someone to nurture them well enough so they develop a mind of their own. when a child is born and the mother is lost, the father takes on the tedious role of constantly watching the child and thus, nurturing it. or.. he gives that role to someone else.it is only damaging to babies when they don’t receive a certain amount of attention and feed back from the people nurturing them. human babies can’t survive w/o contact or protection. obviously. and the loss of any parent is damaging. this is Universal .after a baby forms or a small child forms a great attachment to a person and that person disappears, they realize that they too may disappear, or die, and that affects their outlook on life.
so therefore, it does not matter of you are gay or straight. what matters is the initial environment of the developing baby and then.. the horrible society that will also alter their perception of what is right or normal later on in life.
i’m assuming all of this. =P
Which one is it? Queer or same sex? I know some mighty queer folks that are heterosexual.
I think parenting is about loving, nurturing, healthy relationships more than the orientation of the parents. There are a lot of horrible “normal” families that do a lot to mess up their kids.
I am not really concerned with a parent’s orientation. So long as they have the ability to be present, loving, steady and attentive to their child, they’re perfectly fine by me.
The most important thing is that the child has a loving, stable home and is well cared for. As long as they have that, who cares about the gender or sexuality of their parents?
Considering the number of children wasting away in the “system” because of rules set out defining what a family should be, it makes you wonder what the powers that be are really fighting for. They claim to be advocates for children, but would rather they be shuffled from place to place instead of allowing them to be adopted by a loving couple because of sexual orientation. Im not sure of the statistics on how children of Gay or Lesbian couples turn out(I do know the number of kids raised by homosexuals that turn out to be homosexual themselves is minuscule,and that seems to be the biggest fear against it that I hear,as if you can MAKE someone gay by exposure), but there are boat loads of statistics on how foster kids who are never placed turn out. You would figure they would look at the important issues (like would they be loved and provided for) more than what title they would have to give there parents. But hey, maybe thats just me. I think a loving home should trump any insecurity about sexuality, but for the moment, the powers that be think putting a kid in dysfunction with a hetero couple is better than a less dysfunctional couple that happens to be gay.
dude anyone can raise a kid, its just how you do it thats the problem
i don’t see why all these people are so uptight with gay people, i mean really? who ever said that marriage was sacred was the biggest lier in the world! you woun’t see two gay guys raping their daughter… i know its not apart of the theam here, but you never hear the news with GAY RAPIST on it. if people would stop being all tight assed with whatever shit religion that was crammed down their throats and just see that these are not “weirdos” or “freaks” or “improper” human beings and get to know that these are just as loving nurturing parents as any straight family, then i bet everyone will be as equal and as supporting as any other famliy
i mean come on, if this is the united states, then wheres the unity in equal rights for everyone?
I see no problem with it, at all. It’s the personalities and capacity to raise a child that make good parents, not the contents of their pants.
@grim_truth - I think it’s more an issue of having a single parent, and the consequent lack of parental attention during a child’s development.
When a “momma” bird kicks it’s young one out of the nest to fly – natural things take over and the young bird doesn’t fall and break it’s neck. When some kid is raised by 2 males or females – he’s going to be lost, not have any idea about what real sexual values are.
I hate bullshit like this. Gay people, I can put up with but influencing kids like this is total bullshit. Kids need to grow up the way this planet and everything was designed for.
@DickDoktorII - the funny think is most LGBTQ people have straight parents. Just because a person is raised by LGBTQ parents does not mean the child will be LGBTQ.
So what do you think of all the children raised by single parents???????
First of all, this is a campy subject. People take it all seriously for whatever reason.
There are a lot of boring men out there nowadays and most women would rather be married to women and getting inseminated at the local sperm bank. I don’t know which men will donate to the sperm bank but probably only gay men should be allowed to donate so that the human race gets gayer and gayer over the next 100 years. As for the towelhead countries such as Iran, I say sterilize them en masse. They’re tacky!!!!!!!
@Kristenmomof3 - I’m going to say the same thing. Natural evolution, – sex between male and females is the way the world was created. Being homo, – going queer and all of that bullshit makes me pretty sad, and leery of the way people are these days. In the past few decades, this kind of bullshit has exploded, and now, it’s become acceptable. If I ever see a guy kiss another guy – I’ll fucking puke. Ramming a penis up another guy’s anal orifice – that makes a lot of sense too I guess, in your world.
@MiaColucci00009 - You said the same thing I did only used different words.
@prettynpink628 - If we consider God in the answer, we’ll know he created one way and that was Adam and Eve. God didn’t have plan “B”. So with that in mind the best happens when His plan is followed. The problem is that the original blue print is not observed and mankind arrogantly thinks he can set up his own way. The best way to raise a child is a loving dad and loving mom. I know single moms that are doing a great job, but it’s because they have support systems. I’ve seen single moms doing a really bad job because they don’t have people helping them.
@radicalsounds - We all measure success differently. I’m sure the person you knew was nice. Does that make it allright because he turned out nice? I know kids that are nice that have horrible parents. The bottom line is what is right? If we believe God created this world we know He made a blue print for human beings. That blue print is very clear in the Bible. -Adam and Eve.
@Randy7777 - If God made a blueprint for human beings, why did he make people gay? I hear all kinds of people say it’s a choice, yet no one can explain why brain function truly is different in gay people than in straight people – and it’s not a disease. It is simply a notably different form of brain function. What’s that about? Why would God make someone gay, if he hates it so much? Sure, he hates the act, not the people, whatever…but that’s still unbelievably cruel. I seriously could not follow a God like that. And I’ve prayed about this issue a great deal. In my relationship with God, he has shown me that it’s okay. If that’s wrong, according to whatever random religion, that’s fine. But I believe God more than man. I don’t subscribe to a particular religion because I have a strong relationship with God, I close my mouth and open my heart, and yet all these different religions want to tell me what I hear from God is wrong? No, I don’t buy that at all. I listen to God. And I will always do so. And I just can’t believe any human here on earth can know what God wants more than God himself does. I have a strong relationship with God, and God tells me there is nothing wrong with gay people, and I have felt that my entire life, in my heart and in my soul. No human can convince me otherwise. If God wants to show me otherwise, I will listen. But I’ve never received that message from him.
@MiaColucci00009 - @LillimNo9 - @Maverick83 - Thanks for trying to answer my questions. The thing is though, in studies of children missing a parent, they have different results for which parent of the child is missing.
Motherless children tend to have difficulties maintaining relationships as adults, suffer long-term damage to his or her self-esteem, have difficulties relating to other people and feelings of security and ability to trust others.
Fatherless children have totally different issues. They tend to end up getting into more trouble and into drugs. (From my understanding of these studies, it does not mean everyone without a dad will end up this way, but the chances are much higher)
All children who grow up in broken homes face challenges, I understand. But, some challenges are different depending on which parent is still in their lives. This tells me that mothers and fathers each have huge DIFFERENT impacts on a child’s life. In gay couples, how is this overcome? For example, if two men adopt a child, where does the child’s maternal needs come from? And where do paternal needs of a child come from in a lesbian couple?
I understand what you were trying to say, that they would be brought up in a loving home. But these other studies show different effects depending which parent was out of the picture. Hopefully that clarifies my question a little better.
@Randy7777 - And that’s what you think and that’s great. I know that I’m as likely to turn you to my viewpoint as you are to convince me of yours, so we’ll agree to disagree, yes?
@radicalsounds - That’s a great question – hopefully my answer is equal. I believe God did make people all different. Some guys may be more in tune with the emotional side and vice versa. Just because someone has those tendancies don’t make them homosexual. What makes them homosexual is they have sex with the same sex. Our society has put “feminin men” into a category as gay or nerd. That’s wrong. Why does sex have to come in the picture? We’re a very strong sex crazed nation. We’re making relationships come down to sex. Why not allow people be people and allow them to be what God created them to be? In China girls hold girls hands a lot and in public. In Nigeria guys hold hands with guys. At first I found that uncomfortable when I was in Nigeria but I got use to it. It’s OK – but our society wants to label people and make it about sex. That’s too bad. We are very narrow visioned. The question is not about a personality type but about sex and sex should be elevated to it’s proper place – in marriage between a husband and wife. – a lot of heart ache has occured because it is not followed – a lot of relationships have been destroyed because that is not followed.
Wouldn’t recommend it to my own kids.
I say they are better off having two loving parents no matter the gender, versus the coked out single mothers that I see in the grocery store dragging around 4 dirty kids with no coats in the cold any day.
As long as children are loved, it doesn’t matter who raises them. Plus, if it gets children out of foster homes, its an even bigger plus.
For the majority of his life my nephew was raised by his mother, myself, and my boyfriend. Now that his father is back in the picture – we are an even bigger atypical family. All 5 of us living in one household.
What about all those other non-traditional families? If you say that two women can’t raise a child together, then what happens to all the single mothers who raise their children with their mothers(the kids grandmothers). What is the difference?